The Lonely Road

Let me apologize upfront for this one. My first few posts were very Christian/religion focused. This one is just some musings. A general philosophical view on things that have been going on in my life and I'm sure other people's lives as well. 

Since I've been divorced it's been very interesting. I've always been someone that did pretty well alone. I often joke that I would be a good hermit. There is something ingrained in us though that wants some kind of human interaction. A piece of us that wants to feel important to someone other than ourselves. Maybe that's family maybe it's friends. Maybe it's being famous on the interwebs with all our social media whoring. It's going to vary from person to person. But we are all seeking significance. We are all seeking belonging in some fashion or another. 

I've been officially divorced since the beginning of December 2017. In that time I've experienced feelings of freedom, loneliness, contentment, depression, and probably anything else you can think of. If you've ever ended a long-term relationship or had one ended on you, I'm not quite sure which it was in my case, then you know what I'm talking about. More so, if you stayed single for a while afterward. 

In my time as a bachelor I would say I was very non-Christian and definitely selfish. I just did what I wanted to do. If that's you, hey do what you want to do, but for me I wasn't feeling fulfilled. Out of all the dates I went on and the women I was with, I realized everyone is searching for the same thing. Significance and companionship. It just never seems to be enough though.

With technology the way it is I'm 10 swipes away from 4 or 5 dates in the next week or two. This gives us companionship ADD. You'll go out with someone they're pretty cool. You like them. They're attractive. You have a decent time together, but they say one thing out of place, one thing that comes across as a little off or offensive and there's no sense sticking around. After all I can just swipe a few more times and find someone else. It creates this illusion that there's someone out there that's perfect for us in every way. They'll never let us down when we're with them. We will always be happy and if not, well there's always the grass on the other side of the fence. 

I've definitely made mistakes since I've been divorced. I've made girls cry. I've felt rejected. Everyone's feelings have been hurt at some point. In the end you are left where you started: empty, disconnected, and feeling insignificant to the people around you on a personal level. Was it always this hard? I don't know. I kind of struck gold with the first girl I ever really dated. All I know is it's definitely different these days. It takes a long time to find something real, especially if you already had it once. Now everything else gets measured against it, and so far, has fallen short. Just know fellow travelers of the world, when you feel alone, when you feel like you don't matter to anybody, you have more company then you can count. 

I'm not just talking single people. I'm talking about people in relationships too. You can be just as alone as us single folks but the nice thing is you actually have someone next to you that you can deal with to fix it and make your relationship great again or you can leave and realize you missed the whole point. No matter what situation in life you're in there will always be struggles there will always be moments where you don't measure up and aren't sure how you can. That doesn't mean you give up. That doesn't mean you lay down your sword. It means you go to battle. Don't misunderstand me. Victory isn't guaranteed. You may lose some battles along the way.  You may have to sacrifice some time and effort if you want to win the war, but winning the war needs to be the objective. Otherwise you shouldn't have stepped into the warzone.

Dan Mason
Christan, Dad, Philosopher
Strongman Competitor
Elite Level Powerlifter
Instagram: @RoninStr