Selfishness and Why It Sucks a Big Fat One

Selfishness....It's a huge topic with many directions you can go. So let's see where my stream of consciousness takes us today. There are lots of sides to selfishness. If you are just hoarding everything and not trying to or inadvertently making other people's lives better you are likely not a very content person. At least that's how my life has been when in that paradigm of living. On the other hand, if you are selfishly pursuing a goal like playing in the NFL or become a national champion lifter you could make the argument that being selfish helped you accomplish your goals and along the way you may have inspired many people to get off their rears and strive for something great. This is an argument often put out there by Donnie Shankle and Jon North which is a pretty solid point. Even then you listen to guys that have been selfish and accomplished huge goals like Travis Mash talking about becoming a world champion powerlifter and then feeling totally empty and unfulfilled once accomplished. Maybe it depends on each person and their motivations but it's an interesting topic.

I can only speak from my own experience though. It seems like the default of most people to operate with a "look out for number 1" mentality. It makes sense from an evolutionary stand point. If you want to survive long enough to reproduce and pass on your genes then making sure you are alive and thriving is the way to go. There's that intangible side of being selfless though. you feel better about yourself. Your outlook toward life changes. That's got to count for something. I don't know about you, but I've never regretted a decision that was to help someone in need. I've never felt worse from giving a homeless guy a meal, mowing an elderly lady's lawn, or dropping a huge tip on a server. On the other hand the sorrow that has been brought to my heart from being selfish is always a certainty even if it's delayed by hours, days, or years. It always comes. Serving myself has always been an easy trap to fall into, but the results are always the same, especially when it comes to relationships.

Picture anyone who has ever broken up or gotten divorced. Chances are one or both of them stopped putting the other's needs before there's. From what I've seen marriages are only truly happy when both partners are putting each other first. A nice side benefit is that your selfish needs still get taken care of in this scenario. If one person starts making it about them (Like I did) that bond starts to break down. The "giver" in the relationship starts to get bitter in the long run and the "taker" sure as heck isn't going to do anything to help the situation. Eventually the "giver" will get fed up and start being a "taker" too. That's when you know if there isn't serious change there's only one way things will go. Maybe this isn't representative of everyone but it's 100% what happened in my life. It definitely seems like the chance to rectify my mistakes has gone and that's definitely not a happy feeling, but I now know one thing for certain. I've loved. I've lost. But most importantly, I've learned. If I ever do get married again I'll do it right. My needs matter, but making sure she feels cherished will matter more. We are called to love our wives as Christ loves the church. We need to love her not only enough to die for but enough to live for.

Dang it. I wasn't planning on going down that rabbit hole, but there it is. On a lighter note maybe being selfless is the most selfish thing. After all if you live like that you will feel great about yourself and your relationships will work out then maybe you are just being nice because of the personal gains you will experience.....(head explodes).

Stay tuned for more rants and reflections.

Dan Mason
Christian, Dad, Philosopher
Strongman Competitor
Elite Level Powerlifter
Instagram: @RoninStr